something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
