Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
