You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
