Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
