You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
