If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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