Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
