Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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