If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
