I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
