I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
