I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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