I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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