The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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