You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
