she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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