I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I need to align my fucking chakras
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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