her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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