where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
