Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I have already put on my inside pants.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
