The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
not ubering you a puppy
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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