he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
