it was like his penis was on wheels.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
