i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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