I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
