We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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