I think i sorta joined a cult last night
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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