She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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