God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
