nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You are the jesus of drinking
Randomize
