i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
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