We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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