he shaved USA in his pubs
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
