Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
