meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
