Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
being pregnant is like rehab
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
