May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
