how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
