Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
