Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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