Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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