we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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