I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
