Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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