ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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