it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
