she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
