I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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