i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
