I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
