i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
