My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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