I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
worst night to have a conscience
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
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