i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
