I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize