we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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