I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
