Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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