Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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