I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
