R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
