Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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