Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
