you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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