I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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