New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
