PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
