It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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