pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
