She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize