Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
