The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
