so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
