Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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